Talk about a small town...

Seven years ago this week I packed up my Volvo sedan, scraped the muffler on the driveway as my dad and I pulled out of the driveway and took off for good, ol' Darien, Connecticut. I was running away from the confining social circle that was, and apparently still is, Portland, Oregon. Once there, I defended Portland's size, but in my heart knew the truth. I had long been experiencing the ultimate in small world/town situations.

After graduating from college I found myself back in Portland, living at home, and trying to find my way socially and career-wise. Career-wise, I decided to go back to school the following spring; talk about easy way out! My social life was a little more complicated. I was still close with my ex from college, and had become good friends with many of his friends; those of you who know me well know I don't believe in making anything easy for myself. During that year and following years, I found myself dating/hanging out with guys who had varying degrees of connections to this small social group. After dating the step-brother of a close friend, I realized I needed to get the hell out of Dodge. That's when I decided to run away to the East Coast.

Unfortunately, seven years later, things have not improved. The circle may have expanded, but old habits die hard. Last night I met up with a couple of newer running friends I hadn't seen for a while. When I walked into the bar, I ran into an acquaintance, who happens to be friends with the aforementioned group and a different group of friends. I say hello, we catch up for a bit and he lets me know that a couple of the other guys from the group will be showing up...one of which I had been previously hanging out with, but hadn't seen for a while. Awesome. This was made even more awesome because one of the friends I was intentionally meeting up, was also someone I had been hanging out with earlier this year. (I really love the vagueness of that phrase!). So, here I am catching up with a good girlfriend and a guy I had a major crush on, when another former crush walks in the door. Not a bit awkward, not a bit.

The best part of this whole situation was that, originally, neither of my running friends knew my connection to these guys. They thought I was just getting hit on by these three random boys...ha, ha, ha!

The three of us finish our beers, and May (not her real name), Manny (not his real name), and I head out. May and I are now off to a party on a boat, and Manny is off to meet up with other friends. As May and I head off I fill her in on the specifics of what just happened at the bar, and that we are headed to a party being thrown by a guy I used to date.

If there ever was a reason to move again...

Third Wheel...and then the fourth wheel...

Everyone has been there at some point in time -- the third wheel. Now, there are some couples that being the third wheel is not an issue; the two people in a romantic relationship know how to interact with the friend who is tagging along. And then there are those who seem to forget that you are even in the same universe as them. As they canoodle on the other side of the table from you, you pull out your cell phone and pretend to look busy. Luckily, I didn't have to deal with the second type this weekend...at least not on Saturday night. Saturday night was a evening of fun with new friends at another friend's birthday party. It was a night that had some nice mellow moments and some filled with some crazy, liquor influenced dancing. Yes, it was obvious that I was with a couple, but they were a fun couple!

Then came Sunday. I knew that this birthday party might be a little awkward depending on who was there and who wasn't there. It's funny how you can be a third wheel at a party that you're going to by yourself. When I get there, it's only me, the hosts and their parents. Not awkward yet. I keep hoping my friend, let's call her Martha, will show up so I can have a wing-man. More guests show up and the small talk begins. I can handle the small talk, but even these short conversations keep getting interrupted by other events going on. More guests show up, but they're coming in groups of three. Guessed where I am yet? I am at a two-year olds birthday party with friends of friends and all of their children. As I keep waiting and hoping for Martha to show up, I realize I am the ONLY person at this party without a child. While I've met some of the older guests before, I don't know them very well, and the ones I do know well are busy chasing their offspring. And so, I am left to talk to the grandparents of the guest of honor. After standing by the snack table for a couple of hours and nursing a single beer (the vodka from the previous evening was still affecting my stomach...oops...), it hits me: I am the fourth wheel at the birthday party for a two-year old. It's like being the only single person at a "couple party."

The fourth wheel is not an entirely new concept in my life, but I don't think it has ever smacked me in the face, and then upside the head, and then back across the face. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends' kids. Some of them taught me the benefits of being an aunt before I really was one. I have even had the honor of seeing one of them be born. I am extremely lucky to have them, and their parents, in my life. I suppose I'll have to readapt to this new idea. And I thought life was getting boring and routine...

After 27 you fit into a category

The majority of my friends are 30+. The majority of them also have been with their significant other for a long enough period of time that they were fortunate enough to bypass dating after 27. I have tried many times to explain what it is like now, but to no avail. It is a confusing, odd, and frustrating ritual at times, and exhilarating and fun at others. With most of my significant relationships being in years (I'm a little to embarrassed to admit) passed, I have honestly forgotten what it is like to have a boyfriend. I promise you that I am not looking for a pity party here, but it has been a while.

At this point in life, I have learned how to take care of myself. The dog and I have a nice routine that I would hope someone special could adapt to. I have a job, as many do, that require a significant amount of decompressing before I am normal again. It is difficult to think that I could fit into someone's life and they could fit into mine. It's a whole 'nother ball of wax once you pass 27, let alone the big 3-0.

There seems to be a few specific categories that boys (yes, I am calling them boys) seem to fall into now. If I have dated you and you fall into one of these categories, please know that I have been on many unsuccessful first and second dates with others who also fall into these categories. All descriptions are based on multiple subjects.

1. Serial-monogamist-guy

At this point in life (ages 27-32) it is very common for people to have had at least a couple of serious relationships. On the first date you hear about the series of ex-girlfriends, the good and the bad. I have found that those who were serial monogamists in their earlier years have become the "playas" of this age. They know that deep down they want a relationship, but are trying to be "that guy". Um, I dated you when I was 22 when I was trying to be "dating girl." No thanks.

2. "I want a relationship...starting now!"-guy

By the end of the first date you know that this guy is wanting a relationship, but are usually not completely turned off by it...yet. The first date goes well-enough, but during the second date he does one or any combination of the following: calls you "Honey"; talks about your grandchildren, and gives you a wrapped present. Please imagine cartoon legs spinning with dust clouds behind me while I can't get out the door quick enough.

3. The male-feminist

According to this guy chivalry is dead and will not even walk you to your car. I'm a girl who appreciates her independence and the ability to provide/take care of myself. I am also a girl who likes being taken care of. Nuff said.

4. I think I want this, I don't want this, I think I want this, I don't want this ("this"=relationship)

Oh. My. God. Make up your ever-loving mind and make some girl very happy.

Yep, this pretty much sums up the men of the last 3 years of my life. It's been a wild ride, but I'm getting ready to get off the roller coaster...

A quick catch up...

The last time I sat down to write one of the ridiculous stories that make up my life, summer was just about over and I was trying to mentally prepare for the return to the classroom. I have to admit that there have not been many stories worthy of a small amount of cyberspace, but I do feel like I need to catch up on a couple of things.

1. Speed Dating: Chivalry is apparently dead.

So, I swallowed my pride (okay that was already long gone from going speed dating), and went out with Africa guy. I figured it was a good reason to go out to dinner and get to hear the rest of what was a very exciting, and hopefully true story. We take a seat at a table out on the patio. This particular restaurant is on the roof and has an amazing view of the city. Within five minutes I am already grateful for a beautiful evening because we will shortly need a topic of conversation. Another five minutes passes and the story is over; decent ending but nothing to write home about. We eat, we have a couple of drinks and I'm ready to go home and then the bill comes. Now, I am always willing to split the bill but generally expect to at least have the mock debate about who is taking care of the check. The bill is set down on the table, he opens it up, sets down his card, and pushes it over to me. I place my card in the folder, a little surprised. We tip, sign, and get up to leave. He heads right to the door and barely holds it open for me. Now we're walking to our cars, and reach his first. He asks where I'm parked and I point down the street. A small, uncomfortable hug and a fake, "Let's do this again," and I am walking to my car in the dark, alone. No offer, nothing. Two days later I find an email from him asking me to go out again. Um, no thanks.

2. I survived 30!

Not only have I survived, I actually accomplished quite a few items on my 30 x 30 list. I'm planning to finish those this summer. Yes, finishing War and Peace is still on my list.

3. Dating

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...get the picture? I spent all summer on a dating hiatus. School started and I decided that the hiatus was over. Who knew that being athletic director, trying to prepare for a move to a new school, and just taking care of everyday business would leave me inept at dating? Apparently, it does. This morning I was watching the Today Show while Obama's Supreme Court nominee was giving an "acceptance" speech. As I expected (yes, I can be a smidge judgmental from time to time), there was no thanks given to a husband or significant other. Not that I'm looking to become a Supreme Court justice, but I am over sacrificing my life for my students. My search for a new career has intensified and am hoping the relaxation that comes with summer helps me regain a bit of a hold on the dating world...I pause to wonder if that is even possible...hmmm...something to ponder as I put off the giant pile of grading in front of me...

Wedding Dresses

A few years ago, I was at the Gap trying on dresses to wear to the wedding of my (at the time) boyfriend's friend. The zipper on a particular dress was stuck when my phone rang. Letting the dress hang on me, I answered the phone to find a good friend from Connecticut on the other end. We hadn't talked in a while and when she asked me what I was up to I replied, "Oh just trying on wedding dresses." There was a shrill squeal coming from Connecticut that I could almost hear without the help of my phone. "Who is he? Where did you meet him? How long have you been together because it couldn't have been too long..." 

"Connecticut! I'm not trying on wedding dresses, I'm trying on dresses to wear to a wedding."

"Oh, well, that's fun too."

The impossible search for the perfect dress to wear to a wedding is one I have endured many times. When you're lucky enough to be a bridesmaid, you have your dress, (usually) your shoes, and sometimes even your jewelry picked out for you. If you're really lucky, the bride even takes care of making sure your hair and/or make-up look pretty. These weddings are the easiest in the world to go to as a single friend. Not only are you there to support a very good friend on a very important day, but you usually look hot in a (again, if you're lucky) pretty dress and have jobs to keep you busy during the slow songs. At Last comes on and suddenly you notice the bride needs some water. Let's Stay Together starts playing and candles need to be lit. The DJ decides What a Wonderful World now needs to be heard and the bride's mother needs help putting gifts in the honeymoon suite. There's always a job to be done!

When you are getting ready to go to a wedding that requires nothing more of you than showing up, looking presentable, and with a gift in hand, the dress shopping becomes more difficult. Perhaps it is a maturing mentality, maybe a committed relationship, or maybe a new baby, but as many of my friends have moved ahead with their lives as married ladies, their clothing has changed to reflect their new status. There is no question that they are beautiful, successful women, but there is also no doubt they are going to go home a man they adore. The single (and when I use the term "single", I mean no attachments) women are always dressed a little differently. 

Weddings, like any other party, are opportunities for single people to meet, make fun of their married friends, and drink free alcohol. They are also occasions to make first impressions. The dress you wear can make all the difference in the world. 

The Results

Wednesday morning I wake up to my phone buzzing. I roll over to see the little red light flashing, but no one is calling, must be an email or text. I roll back over and try to go back to sleep...no such luck.

As I pull myself out of bed, I pick up the annoying little device that seems to rule my life, and check to see what sort of a message is awaiting me. Sure enough there are the almost daily Piperlime, Gap, and Nordstrom emails telling me about the latest and greatest that I still can't buy at this time. Seeing Rachel Zoe's picks on Piperlime make me want to cry because I know I will never feel okay buying a $600 pair of shoes, no matter how fabulous they are. At the very top of the list, however, I see it: Your PreDating Match Results! I can almost hear Heather* squealing with delight as she enters information into her magic dating computer that instantly spits out matches for the dateless. I go to my computer, open up my email, and there it is, waiting to be read in its full glory. For a minute, I'm not sure I want to open this. Despite the fact that I didn't really feel any connection (yes, I hate that word as much as the next girl who has watched too many episodes of the "Bachelor", but it woks here) with most of the guys, what if none of them put me down?

When you sign up for this event you are told that only those people with whom you have mutual matches may contact you, but you will see everyone who circled "Let's talk again". A sinking feeling settles into my stomach. What if no one circled "Let's talk again" for me? What if that happened to someone else? An uncomfortable sense of rejection makes me back away from my computer, refill my coffee cup and drink it all before going back to my email. 

I take a deep breath and open it up. I feel so silly for being nervous or, really, for caring what-so-ever. The purpose of doing this was to have the experience, not to find someone to spend the rest of my life with. I exhale as I see that the two men for whom I circled "Let's talk again" had done the same for me. That former feeling of rejection turns to guilt as I imagine the very nice guys my friend and I giggled about, and had circled "No thanks", looking at their results and seeing that not everyone they had wanted to talk to didn't want to talk to them. If the person or people you wanted to talk to don't chose you, it's like being dumped by multiple people all at once. 

My new dilemma: Do I actually write back to the two guys who have contacted me?

30 x 30

Last August, it hit me, I was going to be thirty in 13 months. I was at the end of an on-again, off-again relationship, had a mortgage, a dog, and could count the number of single friends I still had on one hand. Nothing exciting was happening to me by chance, so I decided to take matters into my own hands. On the day that things finally ended with Jeremy* I sat down with friends and had some strong drinks, then came home and wrote my list of thirty things to accomplish by my thirtieth birthday. The following is the full list:

1. Learn to play tennis -- done

2. Read War and Peace

3. Get a tattoo

4. Take a Wine Snob class -- done

5. Run a half-marathon -- done

6. Learn how to windsurf

7. Complete the Portland Bridge Pedal -- done

8. Finish US Government class

9. Learn about interior design

10. Ask a guy out -- done

11. Learn how to sew -- done

12. Run Race for the Cure -- done

13. Complete the Lucky Lab Ride -- done

14. Pay off one credit card

15. Go to a movie by myself

16. Go to lunch/dinner by myself -- done

17. Finish laundry room

18. Go Christmas shopping at 6 AM on Black Friday -- done

19. Watch The Godfather -- all three of them -- done

20. Go speed dating -- done

21. Go to First Thursday -- done

22. Visit Kelly in Ashland -- done

23. Make a souffle

24. Finish my childhood scrapbook

25. Finish my European scrapbook

26. Clean out belongings at Mom and Dad's

27. Start a book club -- done

28. Go to Roller Derby -- done

29. See DMB at the Gorge

30. Go to a free movie in the park -- done

I have just a month to finish, follow along on the journey!

*Name changed