After 27 you fit into a category

The majority of my friends are 30+. The majority of them also have been with their significant other for a long enough period of time that they were fortunate enough to bypass dating after 27. I have tried many times to explain what it is like now, but to no avail. It is a confusing, odd, and frustrating ritual at times, and exhilarating and fun at others. With most of my significant relationships being in years (I'm a little to embarrassed to admit) passed, I have honestly forgotten what it is like to have a boyfriend. I promise you that I am not looking for a pity party here, but it has been a while.

At this point in life, I have learned how to take care of myself. The dog and I have a nice routine that I would hope someone special could adapt to. I have a job, as many do, that require a significant amount of decompressing before I am normal again. It is difficult to think that I could fit into someone's life and they could fit into mine. It's a whole 'nother ball of wax once you pass 27, let alone the big 3-0.

There seems to be a few specific categories that boys (yes, I am calling them boys) seem to fall into now. If I have dated you and you fall into one of these categories, please know that I have been on many unsuccessful first and second dates with others who also fall into these categories. All descriptions are based on multiple subjects.

1. Serial-monogamist-guy

At this point in life (ages 27-32) it is very common for people to have had at least a couple of serious relationships. On the first date you hear about the series of ex-girlfriends, the good and the bad. I have found that those who were serial monogamists in their earlier years have become the "playas" of this age. They know that deep down they want a relationship, but are trying to be "that guy". Um, I dated you when I was 22 when I was trying to be "dating girl." No thanks.

2. "I want a relationship...starting now!"-guy

By the end of the first date you know that this guy is wanting a relationship, but are usually not completely turned off by it...yet. The first date goes well-enough, but during the second date he does one or any combination of the following: calls you "Honey"; talks about your grandchildren, and gives you a wrapped present. Please imagine cartoon legs spinning with dust clouds behind me while I can't get out the door quick enough.

3. The male-feminist

According to this guy chivalry is dead and will not even walk you to your car. I'm a girl who appreciates her independence and the ability to provide/take care of myself. I am also a girl who likes being taken care of. Nuff said.

4. I think I want this, I don't want this, I think I want this, I don't want this ("this"=relationship)

Oh. My. God. Make up your ever-loving mind and make some girl very happy.

Yep, this pretty much sums up the men of the last 3 years of my life. It's been a wild ride, but I'm getting ready to get off the roller coaster...