At certain points along this journey, the stars seem to align on particular days. It doesn't always mean that things go perfectly. On days like Tuesday, many things go wrong; so wrong you consider punching a hole in the wall, but then you realize that would only require you to patch it up with a possibly broken hand. The small annoyances become saving graces that help you finish the day.
I don't use the word "blessed" very often because it makes me uncomfortable. The religious association makes me feel like I'm almost not allowed to use it. Tuesday's star alignment, I believe, has forced me to use it simply because I cannot find another word to express how I am feeling. I also don't like to think that there is a plan set up for me; however, sometimes, I find the thought comforting. Well, it's comforting when I am in a positive "things will work out" mindset. I've been working on listening to and following my gut. For those of you who run, this is vital during a workout or a race. Literally and figuratively. Where is that damn honey bucket? For those of you who date, this is vital to deciding whether a second date could happen or a kiss is appropriate. For those of you who are alive, this is vital to living your life aware.
Blessing #1: Living near the people I love.
The day started off with trying to find some control in the space I normally call home but currently call a disaster area. Two remodeling projects have taken over my Spring Break and I was beginning to lose it. When I needed a break, bathroom or mentally, I was able to pass through the gate that separates our yards and hang with three of my favorite people. Later in the day, when I was ready to put that hole in the wall with my fist, my mom came over. I was hesitant to have her come over because I didn't want to take out my frustration on someone who didn't deserve it. Wow, I really am growing up. By the time she left, I felt so much better. Not about the tile work I had done, but still calmer. The gut was right. It must have had a conversation with the Universe about what I needed at the moment.
Blessing #2: I love running.
During this manic episode of tiling and wanting to be destructive, I contemplated doing my track workout early. It would have been a good way to get some aggression out without eating a pint of Ben and Jerry's or breaking my hand. But, I waited. I knew that if I could hold out until 5:45 that evening I would have support, motivation, and inspiration. This group of women have changed my life. It is hard to put into words, but I am eternally grateful for the suggestion to go run with this group. It has taught me so much about myself and that I have potential that I didn't know existed. I love running and love the women I get to call friends and running partners. Listening to my gut, resisting an early run, and going to track...somehow the gut and the universe knew what was best.
Blessing #3: The male cleanse
My last post was about needing to take a break from men and dating. It lasted a couple of weeks. If I wasn't sleeping, eating, running, working, or getting ready to do one of those things I had no time for it. I still don't. A couple of friends came over for dinner and we were partaking in some girl talk. It covered the usual: men, dating, annoyances with our jobs, running, men, dating. I was talking about the cleanse and how I didn't even want to date and what a cathartic feeling it was. One friend, we'll call her Abigail, turned to me and said, "Tyler, you are in a relationship." I looked at her confused, and she finished the thought. "You are in a relationship with the Boston Marathon." I thought for a second, acknowledged that she was absolutely right, and then added, "And in a month we are breaking up!"
A few days later, my uncle called me asking to set me up with a guy he knew. Why not, right? Looks like the male cleanse might be on hold for a bit. Don't get excited people, it's been a week. The point is, that I listened to my head and my heart and, for once, heard them saying the same thing, "Take a freaking break!" I listened, reveled in it for a bit, and then got back out there. Gut + Universe = freaking genius
I am not the kind of person to read the directions. Yes, I get upset with my kids when they don't read the directions to an assignment. I am fully aware of the hypocrisy, but I blame myself, not the teacher. I like to figure things out on my own, sometimes reaching out for guidance, sometimes not. I'm learning to reach out for guidance, help, support, and to recognize when something good has happened to celebrate it. I'm also learning that when the stars aren't aligned I need to listen to that gut feeling and trust in the Universe's plan. When I get better at this, I might have a fourth blessing to add.
Here's a toast to the plan, whether it is a real or just a myth, living life fully aware and counting blessings. Yeah, I said it. Blessings.